


*That* kind of aunt

by Delay_no_more



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BAMF Ellyn, BAMF Olenna, BAMF Women, Community: valar-morekinks, Complicated Relationships, Difficult family member, Dysfunctional Family, F/F, F/M, Older Woman/Younger Man, crackfic, my sorry attempt at humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 16:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9665237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delay_no_more/pseuds/Delay_no_more
Summary: Tywin is CEO at Casterly, a corporation with a somewhat dubious track record and a realm-wide monopoly on everything gold. Ellyn is a retired corporate-lawyer-turned-activist who has it out for him. Olenna sleeps with both.Valar-morekinks Prompt (Round 9): Ellyn Reyne + Tywin Lannister, Modern AUModern AU where Tywin has to *deal* with his ex-aunt by marriage even though he'd rather not, but sometimes people have *those kinds* of aunts. Can be 5 + 1 times.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blotsandcreases](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blotsandcreases/gifts).



> Sifted through the valar-morekinks prompts on LJ the other day and found this. Don't think anyone has filled it yet?
> 
> Ratings might be subject to change
> 
> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to GRRM. Everything.

_Ellyn Tarbeck n_ _ée_ _Reyne widowed Lannister_. How badly he wanted to see her name on a headstone. He had practiced the eulogy he would deliver at her funeral a million times over in his head. Then, after she was safely in the ground, he would drive back to the cemetery at night with a can of black paint to spray over the Lannister name on her tomb. Perhaps he'd take a piss on her grave, too. He wasn't quite sure whether that was _too_ petty or _just the right amount_ of juvenile pettiness to give him sweet dreams at night.

Tywin sifted through an absurdly tall stack of newspapers on his desk while sipping his morning coffee. He found himself on the cover of _Throne Watch_ and skimmed the story briefly. If he had to read one more stupid joke about him shitting gold in _any_ of the bloody papers, he swore he would hit them with a SLAPP suit and shut them _all_ down. Other people might brag or threaten that they _knew_ people, but Tywin Lannister _was_ those people. At least that was what he told himself.

Ellyn was giving him bad publicity again, he saw as he opened the _Westeros Daily_. After her retirement from the legal department of Castamere Adventure Diving Tours Ltd., Ellyn now styled herself an activist, but somehow, her activism always seemed to center on Casterly's business practices. Conflict gold, toxic waste, child labor, slave labor, open-pit mining, covering up cases of mercury poisoning, you name it. Yes, Casterly did all that unsavory stuff, but so did the competition. Well, whatever was left of the competition after he had bought up Tooth  & Hill and Castamere Gold had gone bankrupt. Regardless, Ellyn Reyne-Tarbeck was being petty and vindictive.

She had always had it out for him, but since she had retired, things were getting progressively worse. Last year, she had even traveled to West Sothyros and spoken with local labor activists and the miners on site. Then she'd convinced a former colleague to file an antitrust case against Casterly Inc., a case his lawyers were still fighting in court. Tywin had an ominous feeling that it would require a substantial sum of money to make it go away.

He paced to the window and ventured a peak outside. Of course Ellyn's goons were watching him. They always did. They fit in perfectly with the scores of paparazzi mobbing his house around the clock, waiting for a glimpse of “Toyboy Tywin,” as the press liked to call him, thanks to an offhand remark his girlfriend had made during an interview with _Inside the Keep_. They probably would have come up with the sobriquet sooner or later anyway, but Tywin did not appreciate that Olenna had enabled them further. It wasn't easy for a man in King's Landing to date a woman fourteen years his senior, much less someone as famous as the Queen of Thorns. But then again, when was dating ever easy?

He'd reported the unmarked van parked right outside his gates to the police many times over, but Sheriff Robert just didn't give a mummer's fart. He'd sent over an officer once, but the imbecile had claimed he was unable to find the vehicle in question amidst all the paparazzi's cars. The sheer incompetence of the department run by a man who spent his nights moonlighting in a band under the name of Bobby B. was enough to drive him around the bend. “She's your aunt,” Robert had said amiably, patting Tywin on the back, “just _talk_ to her.” “ _Ex_ -aunt,” Tywin had muttered under his breath.

The damned woman was over 80 years old. Why couldn't she just die? He'd considered hiring a hit man to take her out, but somehow, he'd felt that might come back to bite him later. He saw the headlines flashing before his eyes and watched Casterly's shares plummet in his head. Even a CEO in a business as dirty as the gold trade and known as Toyboy Tywin had a reputation to lose. He would have happily paid the money or sold a piece of his soul to hire a Faceless Man, but the damned cult never returned his calls. No, Ellyn's death required an _accident_ of some kind. Her brother Roger Reyne had drowned when one of his gold mines had flooded while he was visiting for a publicity stunt. Tywin categorically denied any involvement in the incident.

He closed the shutters and returned to his desk to finish reading the papers. Then he would have to call catering. Tywin's sixtieth birthday was coming up. He'd wanted to pass the day quietly, but Olenna had insisted on celebrating in style: “Now don't be boring, dearest. You only turn sixty once!” For that, Tywin Lannister was glad. He could not imagine having to go through the ordeal _twice_. He had _quietly_ sent out invitations in the hopes that those who didn't get one wouldn't notice, but Olenna had thwarted his plans by making a big announcement at her weekly Cyvasse Club meeting. _Of course_ Ellyn Reyne-Tarbeck attended those meetings.

There was no avoiding her now. Ellyn always made it a point to show up at _every_ single Lannister family gathering and _every_ single party that Tywin hosted simply to spite him. Then she would get drunk and tell all the guests about the time he murdered her brother – _allegedly_ , she would always add; she was a former lawyer, after all– and the future he stole from the children of Sothyros.

He'd told Olenna to stay away from the scheming bitch, but she had just laughed at that and informed him that she quite enjoyed the company of scheming bitches in general and of this one in particular. Tywin wasn't quite sure what to make of that.

He sighed, finished his coffee, and returned his undivided attention to the papers on his desk. This was going to be a long day.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was a lazy Sunday morning, and Olenna _loved_ lazy Sunday mornings. Of course, she was basically retired, so it made no real difference what day of the week it was anymore, but Sundays just _felt_ nicer. She took her cup of coffee and a book and slipped back into bed.

Ellyn stirred next to her. “Thank the gods you're awake,” Olenna said. “The neighbors called to complain about the noise, and I could hardly tell them it was just you snoring, now could I?” Ellyn grabbed the pack of cigarettes by the bed, pulled the last one out with her teeth and lit up. “Well, _fuck_ , I'm out,” she said.

She took the coffee from Olenna's hand and sat up, one bare breast hanging over the top of the blanket pinned to her chest, taking turns sipping from the cup and smoking her cigarette. Ellyn, it was safe to say, was _not_ a morning person.

Olenna got up, opened the window and took a look outside. There wasn't a single car, no paparazzi, no cameras, _nothing_ , she noted with satisfaction. _Just peace, and calm, and quiet_. She couldn't say how they'd managed to keep Ellyn's vacation home on the outskirts of King's Landing a secret from the vultures that usually descended on Olenna wherever she went, but they had, and that was all that mattered.

Ellyn put out her cigarette, finished the coffee, and picked up her phone. “Remind me to call my daughters,” she said, scrolling down on the screen. “The _Daily_ claims I died. The kids get so worried every time that happens.” “Just give them a call _now_ ,” Olenna insisted.

The last time someone had declared Ellyn dead, Rohanne had ended up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown, and Cyrelle's apartment had burned down because she'd forgotten to turn off the stove before rushing out to check on her mother. Olenna wasn't prepared to deal with either of them and their drama on this beautiful Sunday. She sighed. “I should get ready.”

Ellyn was still on the phone when she got back from the shower, reassuring her children that she was not, in fact, dead. “Well, spread the word, darling. I'm very much alive,” she said, right before hanging up.

Olenna bent down and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. “I have to run. I need to go help Tywin organize his birthday party. He's so useless on his own.” “He's probably passed out drunk celebrating my demise,” Ellyn chortled. “Even more of a reason for me to go and take charge, I suppose,” Olenna said, smiling. Truth be told, she rather enjoyed organizing Tywin's birthday celebration, not least because it seemed to annoy him so much.

“You shouldn't date someone like that,” Ellyn started complaining, like Olenna knew she would. Sooner or later, she always did. “He killed my brother, and you _know_ he's planning to kill me, too.”

Olenna shrugged. “Yes, probably,” she conceded. “But he can't even call catering without my help, so I wouldn't worry too much.”

 


End file.
